Humbled

As we drove away from the Trinity Site (where the first atomic bomb was tested)I felt so inexplicably saddened and in awe of what's possible, what we choose... how far we remove ourselves from our connection to each other and our Earth.

Coming from the White Sands of million year old gypsum leftovers from an ancient ocean, it was insane to me that in the presence of such great beauty, such a life-altering devastation was implemented.















We weren't allowed to get much closer than this but in a way, I'm glad.





The placard outside the gated government site quoted Robert Oppenheimer who stated that while watching the test he was reminded of a line from the Hindu scripture the Bhagavad Gita:

Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.

They didn't mention their first words uttered, "Now, we are all sons of bitches."( ^ "The Trinity Test". United States Department of Energy. http://www.cfo.doe.gov/me70/manhattan/trinity.htm. Retrieved 2009-04-08.)

Just two months after being tested, the bomb was dropped on Hiroshima changing the world forever in the way it dealt with conflict. Fighting fire with fire, is it evolution? It feels like boys in a playground pushing each other or more accurately, pissing on their territory and not being consious of anything other than the "me, myself, I" and being victoriously right. Are we so obsessed with playing God that we skip over the part where we're connected, we're one, we are love?

"And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." - Kahlil Gibran

I feel so humbled and so altered by these strange sights that are undeniably real in my face, not in a history book, not in a newsreel, and that beg me to inquire within.

48 hours ago, I dipped down into the Carlsbad Caverns, where I felt like I was inside the womb of the earth. The mother of mothers, the unknown bedrock of beauty. The mysteries of creation dripped and hung above me, the air cleansed everything- my eyes shone like stars after I came out, like a cloud had been lifted. It took millions of years to create the forms that I witnessed and yet before they were there.

Awe and humility has been the order of the day this whole week. I ended this strange journey yesterday in Albuquerque with my roadtrip buddy's 83-year-old mother who was just getting in from her regular yoga class. YOGA student at 83??? I wanna be this awesome when I'm her age!

Mary Lou is so full of life. We've been like school girls on a sleepover, non-stop soul chatting about everything from Ram Das to the joke of "original sin" and how sex/orgasms were all the rage after menopause because there was finally no worry of pregnancy any more. Oh woman, I'm so glad I wasn't a Catholic in the mid-western U.S. in the 60s and that today we live in a world where it's easier to find out what and HOW AMAZING the clitoris is. In short, we've been gushing to each other about Ram Das, yoga, meditation, sex, psychology, and the meaning of life. She's such a testament to brilliance and openness to inquiry and the lessons that keep coming while we keep kicking, dancing, laughing- living!

She rocks yoga jumpsuits, headbands and attends music appreciation classes in addition to her 5am gym sessions. She's got the most crystal clear brightness I've ever seen, her eyes just gleam with sweet, wise, clarity. I want to take her home with me. And don't even get me started on her boyfriend, an uber-passionate teacher whose greatest wish is to have an Independent Education Plan geared towards a student's unique passion. I'm in love with these two phenomenal beings who just live their truth and show up for it every day with a twinkle in their eye.
They boost my confidence in the hearts of people, of all ages.

My faith in humanity is restored... love how that happens right when you need it. Re-set button pressed, check! I'm so grateful to be able to share in this heart opening, earth shattering contraction and expansion game that never stops showing us what beauty is.